Baby demands I bow to obey her every instruction on my special day. Yes, Your Majesty. Has there been a moment of defiance in my history? But hold, where are we going to celebrate it? We are airport bound…without a passport!

Here we are. Instead of trespassing on the gates,we turn to a hotel just outside the airport. “We are on a cruise voyage for the Caribbean, my slave. Hold my handbag.” Baby says. Cruise voyage, interesting. And it’s even more so when the destination has, according to the Hollywood movie, inhabited pirates. Will we be able to see Johnny Depp?

 No we won’t. Actually there is no cruise or any water around. It is a hotel event trying to catch the latest cruise fever in Hong Kong. In the theme of a cruise, the hotel is adorned with life buoys everywhere and palm trees ocassionally, and its staff members are dressed as marine crews. Now I understand baby, let’s pretend it’s real.

At the counter is a woman “captain” who helps us check in. Which floor? I ask. Which DECK, baby corrects me. Very well. So, which “cabin”? The “cabins” are aligned along a narrow corridor, which reminds me of the movie Titanic. The difference is we are truly unsinkable this time. Jack and Rose must cast a green eye on us.

Apart from routine services, the hotel actually offers its guests some activities to attend, lest they get stranded in the voyage. We, for example, have chosen to attend a “Chinese culinary class” and a “couple massage class”. The culinary class is totally a joke. No fire or aprons, no meat or veggies, our ingredients are no more than three lumps of dough carrying distinctive colours. What we are taught to do is to make a corn and a pumpkin with these dough lumps. So, how about the cooking part? Not a slightest trace. The only connection with culinary I can conceive of is the dough itself, which is said to be the actual material to make the wrappings for shrimp dumplings and therefore is truly edible. Disappointed? No way. Not a thing is real here anyway. Just recall our motto: Let’s pretend it’s real! Enthusiastically, we play like kindergarten kids rolling Play-Doh. Despite being slightly over-aged, we actually find the craft very challenging. Nightmares are the art lessons of my school years when I spoiled every piece of class work with my pair of clumsy hands. Now these nightmares come back to haunt me, for obviously my craftsmanship doesn’t improve with my height or weight. In the end we manage to roll out the genetically mutated corn and pumpkin, so to speak, and compel the chef to compliment on our achievement.

Meanwhile, the massage class, although highly anticipated, is forgone. We already feel the air of extreme oddity as we are sitting at the waiting room together with a few more couples. I begin to shiver when I imagine we will be practicing massage in front of each other. “Shall we go back to our lovely cabin, Your Majesty?” begs her poor slave, “I’ll massage you everywhere with exclusive gentility.” “Approved”, says baby, and happily we return.

Indeed there are plenty of entertainments, yet the killer feature of our package is none of the above. It’s the Fooooooood. We are given 5 tickets each as passes to the hotel café, together they elapse an astonishing 24 hours. That is to say, theoretically you can eat day and night at the café without a pause. In line with our principle “paid money is paid”, we cheapskates of course eat as much as we can until we can barely stand up. Having beaten the amply served lunch snack and dinner buffet, we are facing with the supper snack. “No baby, dinner buffet was just two hours ago.” I surrender. “Yes we can, com’on.” With Her decree descending on me, I am dragged to the café again. I have to say baby’s appetite is staggering. While I am struggling with the second bowl of beef porridge, she has already finished a round of every type of food available. And whenever refills arrive she her strength regenerates. Looking in disbelieve, I would put this as the best performing act for the year. Everybody, please give applause.

 What we did miss in the end was the breakfast, not because we are unable to beat it, but we actually overslept. So having enjoyed the last snack, which is the lightest with only breads and spring rolls alike are offered, we conclude our voyage checking out before a Caucasian captain who has a clear-cut face. His charming smile lingering in the mind of my baby, she later takes it home as a souvenir of the Caribbean.

去年讀完書，第一年投入工作。原以為憑借自己的一點學歷和淺薄的學識，找份體面的工作應該不難。全沒料到翻譯這個行業門窄檻高報酬低，在連遭拒絕後只好將要求一降再降。大學五月畢業，我直到七月中才獲得一家財經翻譯小公司聘用，薪水夠糊口，卻對不起父母。

公司位於九龍灣的工業大廈，呎租十元，丁級以下。公司一共十名員工，對翻譯公司來說這已「頗具規模」。各同事都坐在辦公室的大廳，只有經理坐在小閣間，由於平時人跡罕至，大家戲稱為「孤島」，而我就正好落入了孤島，坐在經理旁邊。

經理是個極刻薄的人，雖然文筆到家，做事幹練，但以人格論，卻是脾氣古怪，性格孤僻。第一天他就安排我加班兩小時，大概很少公司對新員工有這樣的「優待」。坐在他身旁自然渾身不自在，儘管可得學問之便，卻要經常當他的私人雜役，替他買電腦配件、修理電腦，和寄他各種艷照。

財經翻譯的文字，由於種種限制不能暢所欲言，結果往往都不是人話，不是行內人絕對看不懂。讀書時候我們常批評傳媒或其他地方的中文差劣，毒害中文，我想這「毒」很大程度就來自這種專業翻譯。工作一個月後，散光加深，必須替換眼鏡。三個月後試用期結束，可以跟經理談調整薪酬的事。

記得見工的時候，經理說我們公司是香港前幾名的翻譯公司，有相當的規模，前途一片光明，又說大學學的東西都是垃圾，教授都是廢物，以此手段抬己損人，壓低薪酬。我在接受這份工作的時候沒太計較工錢，因為對自己的能力與幹勁有信心，自信過了試用期就會獲得公平的待遇，所以對這次商討寄予厚望。我們談到表現方面，經理雖然曾對其他同事講過賞識我的話，但在這個關節上，他卻說：「你翻譯得不算太差。」不太差？那是很差嗎？然後講到公司的情況，原本前途無可限量的公司，適逢金融危機，忽然面臨巨大財政困難，一下子潰不成軍。他將續聘信交給我，上寫加薪五百。經理說，這五百大元是他跟老板爭取很久才爭取到的，我能加薪他居功至偉。「你想想，一個新人，能幫公司什么忙？是公司貼錢教你啊！」我差點憤然就把信撕爛。經理補充說：「員工過了試用期可以享有長短周，一星期上班五天半。」長短周一事他常掛在嘴邊，因為是他向老板提出來的，他總愛說，其他翻譯公司可有長短周麼？都上足六天。

從那天起，我就一心想著要走。然而市道確實不好，外面裁員減薪風聲鶴唳。經理自然不忘每次向我轉述這些新聞，暗示我沒有被裁走是多么幸運，而公司是多么仁慈。

踏進二零零九年，公司業績一落千丈，雖然先後有兩名同事離職，但給足剩餘八名員工的工錢也顯得力不從心，只好叫員工放無薪假。老板親自來安撫，說這是風險管理。至於大家盼望一整年的花紅或雙糧，老板說，就公司的業績而言是發不起的，但他又不想不發，決定等到五月年報期過了再發。香港大部分上市公司都將12月31日定為年結日，法例規定上市公司必須在四個月內做好年度財務報告，於是每年三四月就是財經翻譯公司的旺季，生死存亡全看這一兩個月，情況就像月餅行業。

恰恰在這個時候政府網上登廣告請翻譯，對我來說這是解脫的良機。公司放的無薪假，正好可以用來考筆試。考試的人濟濟一堂，當中僅數人有機會面試。兩星期後收到筆試通過的信，約定面試日期，剛好也是無薪假的日期。我暗想怎么這樣順利巧合？果然人生無坦途，就在面試那天，我生病了，上吐下瀉發熱發冷，一方面狀態不好，一方面沒法準備。面試很快就結束了，我每次回答都不長。臨走時我問考官到底請多少人，考官豎起了一根手指。

面試後兩個星期，我每天都緊張地檢查信箱，彷徨等待來信，然而信始終沒來。我落選了。一個月後收到了拒絕信，說放我在備用名單，一旦現職的同事離職，我就有機會補上。這個艱難的時候，政府工會有人放棄嗎？我想起《色戒》里梁朝偉的一句話：「有這么難嗎？」世上這么多張快樂的臉孔，為什么沒一張是自己的？讀書的時候，一直覺得做人不能僅為自己，要有益於社會，要給世人幸福。現在發現，只要自己幸福了，而且不以損害別人為基礎，世上至少多了一個幸福的人。人間，原是為自己而活。

年報期如期而至，大家忙亂了一個半月。有時半夜三四點放工，自己已累得都說不出話來，一個人走在夜涼人靜的街上，看見九龍灣也累了，只有零星的燈火。這里住著千家萬戶，都在為生活而奔波。無論白天工作如何辛苦，到了夜晚大家都疲憊透的時候，只想一家人吃吃飯，看看電視稍事休息，就已很幸福。這時候我總會有點感觸，忽然覺得一切都不再重要，一切都可以原諒。

總結年報期的業績，只夠去年的三分一。加班的工時僅夠彌補已放的無薪假。花紅的事，誰也不敢提。外面的經濟漸漸復蘇，但公司還深陷嚴冬之中無力自救。無薪假繼續放，一個月放的日子等於國泰員工一年的數目。原本答應Baby待發了花紅就買一部新相機，給我愛美的Baby拍照，現在只好取消這項花銷，感覺很對不起她。我們到澳門旅遊的時候，依然帶了舊相機。

從澳門回來後突然收到政府打來電話，原職的員工居然真離職了，問我有沒有興趣補遺。啊，我差點說不出話來。眾生窮自己所能追尋幸福，然多少幸福可追？在人間，盡是辛酸故事。

自從買了22吋LCD顯示器，

(1) 把wallpaper設定為維港夜景，感覺就像住進了豪宅；

(2) 玩need for speed（賽車游戲）, 感覺就像對著擋風玻璃；

(3) 玩冒險遊戲，每個蛛絲馬跡都清清楚楚；

(4) 看AV時......

今年香港高考純數科出了這道題。坦白說這種命題十分吸引人，因為和一般教科書上面的題目大異其趣，不是給了什么前提或什么圖形然后求解，而是像數學家解答猜想一樣。我大學雖然讀文科，但畢竟讀過高中程度的數理化，也都躍躍欲試。不過實在是太難，直接找答案，找到維基百科的解釋：

才看了兩行就看不明白了，根本不知道那個不等式從哪里來。以前讀書的時候不求甚解（書上的解答往往簡潔得難以理解），滿腦子疑問不好意思問人，結果經常不及格。

這道題的證明運用了邏輯「矛盾」的概念，大膽假設小心求證，絕對是道好題。不過在高考出這種題，即便給足了提示，也相當絆人，就算想到了恐怕也得費不少時間。這么難的題大家猜猜題值多少分？

答案是：3分。

結論是：1.這種題碰到了還不如直接跳過算了，除非在家里鍛煉腦筋。

              2.大學真他媽的難考啊～

邇來

如果文字分三六九等，最動人的算第一等，泰戈爾的詩，川端康成或沈從文的小說就是。第九等還數不上小學生的湊字數作文，我每天營役的財經文件英譯中才夠得上資格。白話文與文言文偷歡，中式文法和英語詞匯後現代探戈，非驢非馬的一頭頑獸。有句話說三天不讀書面目可憎，天天看惡毒的文字更神憎鬼厭了。如今練就了一支惡筆，故此邇來不敢寫部落格，實在是怕連累各位朋友也惡心。由於品質太低，現在所寫都像舊紙皮舊報紙一般按斤賣。據說，賈平凹給餐館題字，一字千金。

只是沒想到金融海嘯橫掃過來，以“有開工無收工”著稱的這個行業就哇啦啦全垮掉，居然無聊起來。有這麼一兩個星期，我們只好對著windows的文件夾放大縮小，拉過來搬過去。先有同事自己走了，又有同事被精簡了，目下上頭又有指令，一二月放幾天無薪假。

所幸金融海嘯時來，我還沒來得及學會買股票，不然現在合該要找安信兄弟了。

希望大家也都還安好，錢包鼓鼓。

A Moments Indulgence - Rabindranath Tagore(泰戈爾) (Extracted from Song Offerings)

I ask for a moment's indulgence to sit by thy side. The works
that I have in hand I will finish afterwards.
Away from the sight of thy face my heart knows no rest nor respite,
and my work becomes an endless toil in a shoreless sea of toil.
Today the summer has come at my window with its sighs and murmurs; and
the bees are plying their minstrelsy at the court of the flowering grove.
Now it is time to sit quite, face to face with thee, and to sing
dedication of life in this silent and overflowing leisure.

最近聚餐，席中朋友大概是看穿了我這個吃文字飯的必定窮的可以，埋單時拔錢包比拔槍還快，倏忽一下就搞掂了。

無可奈何如今菜也吃了牙也剔了，吃下去的都化作肥膏囤積在腰間了，只後悔自己不但沒有信用，而且也沒有信用卡，搶埋單總搶不贏。

朋友，今天Lenus吃了你們的飯，你們吃了Lenus的虧，要是明年中秋我還沒還你，我也許必定是撒賴了。倘若你有將我Blacklist的衝動，請冷靜，需知道：吃虧是福啊。

那麼......你們下次積福是什麼時候？

跟Baby逛街的時候，想拖她的小手她總是將我推開，說：「跟你很熟嗎？」

到吃飯的時候，單往往是我來埋，若有甚麼怨言，baby 就說：「沒所謂啦，跟你這麼熟。」

好，記住哦，以後Baby再說「跟你很熟嗎？」我就拿來引用，我們很熟，Baby說的。

「那可不一定。今天老娘高興就跟你熟，明天不高興就跟你不熟。」

人生無常這麼深奧的哲理，就這樣給Baby一語道破。

海歸朋友教我兩句英文粗口,備平日罵人時用.一句是"Knob Jockey". 朋友解釋說"Knob"本意門柄,因其形象引伸為Dick.Jockey自然是香港人酷愛的活動.意思很清楚,說的是坐蓮觀音.不過明白是明白,只嫌太文雅不夠粗俗,就像罵人家全家富貴一樣.我家鄉話有一句更好的說法.

家鄉務農,村野莽夫不懂Euphemisms,說話直腸直肚全是Blasphemies.我小時候做錯事人家就罵:"真沒用,長大給老婆扛腳!"當時天真無邪的Lenus還以為扛腳不過類似韓信胯下之辱,直到兩年前看了Paris Hilton的春宮錄像,看了Paris高舉雙腿的那個招式,才徹悟扛腳的真諦.這"扛腳的"幾乎與Knob Jockey 有異曲同工之妙,區別僅僅是前者指男,後者指女.還有現在想來給老婆扛腳倒也沒什麼不好.......

朋友所教另一詞為Horny,講半天沒講明白是甚麼意思.回家查字典,解釋如下:

4.Slang: Vulgar.
a.lustful.
b.sexually excited.

a分明指性慾強,不過"性慾強"不vulgar,罵人我會說那人是"性鬥士",白話罵還是個Pun!
至於b,sexually excited是甚麼?"爽"嘛!

翻譯最怕文化詞彙,因為往往沒有對等詞彙,又註音又註解,也不一定講得明白甚麼是"煎堆".只因世界各地如此迥異,所以奧運口號"one world one dream"乍聽像是男人在床上對女人許下的承諾.反而不如性文化之天下大同,四海皆準.

Finally settled la, everyone no need to evade as soon as seeing me online la!! haha~

special thanks to:

Jessy,ABC,Jadie,Rudmer and Doris(not Tian).

不聽勸阻執拗要去南京,有這經驗的人相信絕非獨我一個.南京,是中國讀書人的耶路撒冷,這一路不單是為風景,而是pilgrimage, 是朝聖.

千百年來讀書人心頭都有一個夢. 他們刻苦讀書,他們孜孜求學,所為絕非甚麼"學而時習之,不亦悅乎"之類的聖賢空話.真正的動力來自一句民諺:書中自有黃金屋,書中自有顏如玉.從小教育,根深柢固.於是幾乎每個讀書人心中都早早種有一座金碧輝煌的黃金屋,一位嬌柔似水的顏如玉,她腰枝纖巧,寬衣博帶,依偎在你身邊如同迎風擺柳.你說這只是烏托邦罷,偏偏卻真有這麼一個現成的地方,集才情財寶粉黛於一身,可以讓人一圓美夢.

在金陵.

顏如玉是不能在婚姻裡面找到的,那個糟糠,那個賤荊,媒婆說的項,是顏如黃蠟才對.人要想開開眼界,親耳聽聽那鐘鼓琴瑟,感受煙火繚繞,妓女粉香,就必須到去秦淮河去,見識柳如是,李香君的風情.秦淮名妓個個才貌雙絕,豈是虛名浪得的?

如是我來.

2008年的秦淮河夫子廟一帶,秦淮八艷自然早已作古,青樓畫船也不復存在,河岸兩旁卻盡有酒家.河的一邊是江南貢院,明清時候江南才子在這邊名垂青史,歌舞妓女在那方名垂青樓,才子佳人隔江相望,彷彿牛郎織女天河之會.時夜幕將下細雨相催,我們便打算先在一酒樓落腳,也可順便享用江南小食.

然而外表看來雕梁畫棟美侖美奐的酒樓,內裡竟是騙人錢財的黑店.食物完全不能入口不說,還不顧我說不喝酒的意思,將一烈酒說是"飲料"哄我.結果南京幾天我都深受腸胃之苦,嘔吐大作.我見形勢不對,連忙喊取消尚未端桌的鹽水蝦.店員一去晌久,歸來時捧回一盤鹽水死蝦米上來,明擺著坑你.

結帳下來,適值夜色正酣,秦淮兩岸張燈結綵,燈火通明.我們原意乘船夜遊秦淮,在身心皆受大損的情況下已無意實行,再看那些油亮的不知甚麼船,似乎還有殘漆未乾的氣味,粉紅的船身更俗不可耐,絕非朱自清所乘之七板子.我們遠道而來為免大失過望,只好在河畔的步行街信步閒逛.杜牧的<<夜泊秦淮>>一遍遍的播,劉禹錫的<<烏衣巷>>處處都看見,賣新疆烤肉的檔子烤豬肉,枝葉茂盛許願樹由塑料造,歷史與貪婪在這裡激烈碰撞,似調酒師的調酒瓶一樣.這裡每樣東西都是有出處的,這裡每樣東西又都是假的.來之前的南京是一場夢,來了,卻是幻!

周折一圈回到步行街的入口處,我們進買特產的小店裡看看,想多少買些手信也好.我發現貨架上的"董糖",那是來之前就盤算者要買的,正合乎心意.之前在董橋<<今朝風日好>>上讀到,說"董糖"是董小宛的發明,大概就是花生芝麻糖一類.普通的花生糖,買來本也無妨,然而在這條由假貨堆砌而成的街上,我竟杯弓蛇影草木皆兵,搖搖頭卻步了.Baby不聽,將一盒"金陵十二釵"和一盒"秦淮八艷"買了去,結果不出所料的難吃.

六朝金紛,孫權塚,明初國都,朱元璋陵墓,天國天京,國民政府首都,中山陵......假如不是戰火一次次洗禮這座城市,當能與北京不分軒輊,而國都北還後,南京直轄市地位取消了,一代古都被投閒置散.今天的南京由有中國特色的資本主義掛帥,一心一意賺快錢.國民黨種的老樹還沒死,留下來給共產黨乘涼,厚壯的樹幹卻印滿了"辦證139".小學時候學"刻舟求劍"的成語故事,說寶劍掉下水裡,而船早已開遠,任憑你如何心有不甘,潛下水去找,卻如何找到?此刻想起姜夔<<揚州慢>>有詞:縱荳蔻詞工,青樓夢好,難賦深情!好不唏噓.

去年看《夜宴》聽到周迅飾演的青女唱一曲越人歌讓人一聽難忘。"山有木兮木有枝，心悅君兮君不知"兩句尤其讓人不忍聽下去。周迅沒有唱功底子，歌兒從她嗓子出來又淺白又真誠，十分動人肺腑。因為暗暗記住了這兩句，我上網查查資料，說這首越人歌並不出自《詩經》而是西漢劉向的《說苑》。原文是這樣的：

今夕何夕兮  搴舟中流
今日何日兮  得與王子同舟
蒙羞被好兮  不訾詬恥
心幾煩而不絕兮  得知王子
山有木兮木有枝  心悦君兮君不知

春秋時楚國公子依河遊越，掌船女子見公子英俊翩翩乘輿華翰，頓生傾慕之情卻又羞於自己只是個船女，心生悽楚，便唱起這首歌來。公子不諳越語，請隨從翻譯，隨從於是將越女所唱一一告訴公子，公子深為所動，後來更娶了這女子。這即此歌的因緣。

我去秋讀翻譯理論的時候又重逢了這個故事。資料說原來這是中國第一件有書面記錄的翻譯活動，我聽了暗自稱奇。翻譯為的是滿足人溝通的需要，在中國首先不為買賣不為戰事，而是一則愛情故事，說來美麗。

越國多故事，連女子都不乏瑰麗傳奇，在西子之外也還另有一些。

一位越國的山野少女，在竹林中奇遇一老翁，老翁以竹枝為劍與少女對陣，不敵後長嘯一聲化身白猿而去。少女因此悟出劍法，後來獲得范蠡邀請與越王勾踐坐而論劍。動靜之術，虛實之法，她無不精通。越王遂賜其號曰"越女"，稱"當世莫勝越女之劍"。後來勾踐興兵伐吳，賴以致勝的就是越女劍及其劍法。這故事備受金庸青睞，後作了一部短篇的背景，曰《越女劍》。

"越"是南方的指稱，春秋時期是江南地區，如今上海地方的戲劇仍稱越劇。現在中國南端了卻在於廣東，據說廣東的簡稱"粵"其實通"越"，甚至"越南"的緣起也是一脈相承。說起來,這些赤誠勇敢的越國女子,還能算是今天粵女的遠房祖先。

我媽雖已年過半百,但年紀並不影響她對高新科技的熱情與好奇. 只不過她鍾情的不是一般的電腦互聯網, 這玩意她幾年前熱血炒股的時候看愛股的漲跌成交就玩膩了,現在她看破鈔票股票連帶電腦也荒了廢了,加之看我天天沉迷此道,深信這傢伙謎人心竅絕非良物,連瞥一眼也不屑了.

我媽愛的是舊街市外惠康超級市場旁邊的一個小小攤位.每逢周末假日就有推銷員在此推銷高科技產品,種類之多足以填滿53個周末.那推銷員一身骨挺西裝,衣袖高高挽起,頭戴無線麥克風好空出雙手.只見他動作利索只消一會就把貨物產品揚聲器等擺好,準備就緒即放聲大喊:"埋黎睇埋黎揀喇--!"聲如洪鐘.一眾家庭主婦聞聲蜂擁而至,一下子站滿了街道,把小攤位團團圍住,水洩不通針插不進,場面就像舊時擺神功戲一般.我媽身材苗條體態輕盈外加三分野蠻,一輪你推我擠之後站在了絕對第一排.

那推銷員道:"你們看這鈦金屬易潔鑊,其輕無比,卻堅固異常."說罷單手將鑊握起,用另一只手的食指背敲了敲鑊底,鏗鏘有聲.他接著道:"一般的鑊你們鏟鏟幾下就掉漆,我這個任你怎麼刮刮刮都刮不花.誰?誰說不信?不信拿一枚硬幣試試?"我媽惟恐落人之後,於是麻利地從小錢包裡挑出一元洋紫荊硬幣,硬塞給那帥氣推銷員.他接過後道一聲謝,隨即用硬幣向鑊面猛刮,出力地刮,刮啊刮,半晌才停下,將鑊舉起,鑊面朝外展示給眾主婦."看!絲毫無損啊!(掌聲四起)再看這硬幣,哇磨平了一角!"我媽也暗暗"哇"了一聲,驚歎科技之神奇.推銷員若無其事地將平了一角地硬幣還給我媽,然後說:"這個鑊,在百貨公司買起碼要一千元.我怎麼能要你們一千?你們說多少才好?八百!平時我賣八百.好吧太太,今天算你走運了,我八百也不要,益街坊了,現在只賣五百!有今生沒來世只此一天,不買後悔!"真說得我媽有點心動,不過五百她還是嫌太貴,所以最終也沒肯買.

有時我媽忍得住手只看不買,不過更多時還是抵不過高科技的誘惑買了回家.家裡於是多了種種產品像"小巧玲瓏縫紉機","蔬菜水果通用攪拌機","按摩花灑頭","一噴一抹抽油煙機洗潔精","無須過水百潔布","一塵不染日本掃把","十分耐用韓國地拖"等等.其中"十分耐用韓國地拖"買回來之後,我媽拆開包裝一看地拖頭居然是用過的."連阿婆都騙,臭小子我下回找你算帳!"老媽咀咒說.

教補習的時候,遇到《孟子注疏》其中一篇,讀了頗覺有趣,因照錄原文如下:

齊人有一妻一妾而處室者，其良人出，則必饜酒肉而後反。其妻問所與飲食者，則盡富貴也。其妻告其妾曰：「良人出，則必饜酒肉而後反；問其與飲食者，盡富貴也，而未嘗有顯者來，吾瞯良人之所之也。」蚤起，施從良人之所之，遍國中無與立談者。卒之東郭墦閒之祭者，乞其餘；不足，又顧而之他，此其為饜足之道也。其妻歸，告其妾曰：「良人者，所仰望而終身也。今若此。」與其妾訕其良人，而相泣於中庭。而良人未之知也，施施從外來，驕其妻妾。由君子觀之，則人之所以求富貴利達者，其妻妾不羞也，而不相泣者，幾希矣。

故事不知以前哪裡聽說過,原文倒還是頭一回讀到. 而最近還有一二新鮮事,可與之互相輝映.

話說Baby一閨中密友最近24歲生日,她男友為討美人歡喜,不惜掏空心思揮金灑銀,準了24份大禮,錦衣華食,香車酒店,鮮花鑽戒具細無遺.這種事照例要告給別人聽的,否則起碼没去一半意義.周遭女生聽了,也照例要艷羨一番,而且必須轉告身邊的男人;男生聞之,卻無不義憤.思量天下丈夫,多如文中齊人,在外飽受委屈,所謂饜足之道,不過"乞其餘"而已,在內卻"驕其妻妾",要星星摘星星要月亮撈月亮,而今女生不羞也不泣,只左右相告奉為圭臬.怎麼說呢?由今觀之,男人吃飽了,起碼有兩樣壞處.古話說,"衣食足然後知榮辱,男人吃飽了撐著的時候,萬一醒悟到原來自己做了貓當了狗犯了賤上了當,想起重振夫綱一類的蠢話,膽大的可能會作起反來,免不了要勞煩老娘啪啪的給他兩記耳光讓他清醒清醒,此其一;也有另一說法,曰"飽暖思淫慾",兜裡有兩塊錢也惦想著拈花惹草不要命了,此其二也.所以男人不到八十歲是不應該吃飽的,就盡管讓他在外頭"乞其餘"好了.

"齊國有一個人,和大婆二奶一起住,其良人出......"我邊讀邊解釋給補習學生聽,到這裡頓一頓,"你知道甚麼是良人嗎?"

學生道:"善良的人."

我說:"不對不對,良人就是老公."

轉念一想,他也不全錯.還有誰比老公更善良的?適才提到的那位男友,唯恐女心多變,乘此良辰吉日,盟誓結婚2010,佳人一時頭昏腦熱應允了,男人高興得像是吃屎狗吃到了豆.然而這兩年必定無風無浪麼?女人突然不高興了,或寂寞了,或不刺激了,或後悔了,或無緣無故了,還是要健忘的.所謂人善被人欺,無怪乎有道善良是憨居的代名詞.甘做善良人,只有老公了.眾所周知,婚禮進行曲的廣東版歌詞就是"成個老襯,從此被困",新郎心裡還是甜滋滋的,且喜形於色.是故良人一名,何其貼切!於是忍俊不禁.文中說到良人時說:良人者，所仰望而終身也。老公是要來尊重和託以終身的,如今老公只夠用來欺負,真是貶值得比港幣還快.

這時代做了男子而且願意做老公的,包括我,無不乖順如此.按老媽的說法,那是上輩子作了孽這輩子還的債.我們男人也許上輩子都對老婆的前生起了歹念,所以這輩子必須當奴當婢,這是命了.只是男子這點赤誠憨直,可愛處也有一點點偉大,做女子的實宜體恤.

昨天知道Karen結婚的喜訊,又驚又喜.她老公鐵蛋是東北人,喊老婆做媳婦,肉麻之至,聽得我汗毛直豎雞皮遍起,我提議Karen回他一句良人,背地裡笑他善良.我也新學了一句送給鐵蛋兄:大風起兮雲飛揚,壯士一去兮洗碗盤!

Karen,祝你百年好合,白頭到老,大猩猩早生"技安"!!!

(一)

老爸一臉正經地對我說, 娶老婆千萬不能娶潑辣的.

我偷偷瞄了瞄老媽, 趕緊回過頭來說:" 那你怎麼娶了你老婆?"

"那時候我沒看清楚"老爸搖頭嘆氣說,"我們是閃電結婚."

(二)

Baby家學養魚,新買了顏色明麗的幾條, 小指般大小.

我問, 你給牠們改名字了沒有?

為甚麼要改名? Baby不解.

沒有名字,你怎麼記得住哪條是哪條嘛!我說.

過了一陣子, Baby打電話來,說這條叫大眼,那條叫小嘴......

過了兩天,Baby打電話來, 激動的說:"都叫你不要讓我給牠們改名字的啦......"

說完眼淚就劈劈啪啪地掉.

Cathy said she would give you a ring, you were flattered.

Your mind in jubilant, you couldn't wait till the day so you started to doodle, memory reaching far. Your reminiscence reminded you of the previous piece of ring you received, which was long long time ago, from Jenny. You still remembered that day when she put a ring encased in an envolope on your desk your neighbour stared in disbelief and jealousy, so the memory stayed long in you until Jenny herself had totally forgotten it. You smiled sweetly at the moment of receipt, although nothing the ring was really meant for, although she gave it to you simply because the hoop was too big for her finger.

This time the smile was on your face again, partly for remembering of the good old days, the rest for the coincidence of recalling Jenny again because of Cathy. You knew you three were so loosely related but you had very often put Jenny on your lips while chit chatting with Cathy. You always quote stories of Jenny as if  they were yours. You didn't realize it at the beginning but when this repeated over and over, you started to be amazed and thought about why.  There must be some common characteristics between you and Jenny, making you felt inclined to her stories. You wanted to show your charisma to Cathy, and when you were lack of your own material you sought assistance from Jenny's. This made you three connected in an interesting fashion. When you three were linked up once again - this time because of the ring - you felt the joy.

Among the many stories you knew about Jenny, you had told Cathy this one. You said, you'd summed up the experience of the years in school with a conclusion, that there were two  students whose school life could be described as 'ridiculous', one was you, the other Jenny. You went on with an illustration. Once upon a time, Jenny went to a hairdresser's and from the catalogue of hairstyles dsiplayed, she picked one which amazed the hairdresser.

Why? Cathy asked.
Because, you continued, of her brave heart. The hairdresser had to look at Jenny in remarkable respect and heap praises to her. 'Wow,' the hairdresser yelled, 'You are first to pick this hairstyle ever since our opening!'

Cathy already began laughing, but you told her the story didn't just finish here.

Then, as you were told, Jenny came out with the look of Ms McDonalds. Though extremely unhappy, Jenny still had to pay. Given the bill, she was astonished as it exceeded the cash she'd brought. She had to let the hairdresser follow her home to get the sum.

Cathy bursted out into laughters immediately. You finished coldly with a comment: it was hard to believe but ridiculous things always happened on you and Jenny.

There was another story you had told, which originally Jenny's, but somehow had turn into one of yours.

Jenny was once jealous at a predecessor in your school for being able to read the orgininal copy of Rebecca, so jealous that she had told you twice. She was determined to follow and began seriously reading thereafter. In an occassion you were collecting compositions to be posted in your class's website, Jenny sent you one titled Wuthering Around. The composition had put you in shame because you didn't have the word 'wuthering' in your glossary. You checked up a dictionary, but in a small one you failed, so the second attempt you tried a giganic one, there you got the explanation. It was the sound of strong winds.

Wonders lingered to your mind about where she had snatched the word. It was until many years after that you discovered the famous book by Emily Bronte was called Wuthering Heights.  So off you read the book, hoping to get rid of the shame.

The book was a total tragedy whose heroin named, coinidentally, Cathy, led a miserable life while the main character Heathcliff, a man in pschycho-distortion. The experience of the heroin in Wuthering Heights is sufferable, which must have aroused your sentiment. You knew clearly that the Cathy of the book had nothing to do with your friend with the same name, but the emotion towards the character in the book had certainly moved you, blurring the line between fiction and reality. You felt like caring her or at least, had been rich in emotion on her. Yet you sometimes might also realize she in true was doing great out there, she's young she's gorgeous; she's deprived she's got a promising undertaking. It was you who needed care, not her. This was painful to you. You believed what you thought, but what you thought might have failed you: they were only your imaginations. You'd been living in your own world, a world of fictional characters you felt like. You had lots and lots of stories, others never heard of. People sometimes blaimed you for telling unfaithful stories, but you had never doubted what you'd told. You felt like being mistreated, but while everybody insisted you retreated: maybe they were right, you'd created a cell and you were the only one resided there. But when you tried at pains to discern reality from imagination, what ought to be real was too ridiculous for you while those which were said to be imagination were much more believable.

Here came the day when Cathy would give you the ring but your morning began with a headache. Your head was scorching but your body shivering. To your experience on the dates of importance, things never run as planned, and this time was no exception. You tested your body temperature and you'd got a fever. Probably you should cancel the date, you felt terrible for this, you knew the heaven was once again mischievous to you. In fact you had already missed last date with her because she suddenly got sick, and this time it was your turn. Lady lucky had never smiled at you, Mr. ridiculous did.You didn't know why but you had always been the underdog. Willy-Nilly, You smiled.

Your condition didn't allow you to stay outdoors for long but you insisted at least to see her for a while. You wanted her to see the best of you, handsome, gifted, humourous. But no way, you sucked today. You had no mood for dressing yourself up nor making any kind of a joke. She would see a pale, weak, boring you. But you wanted to see her, afterall it'd been so uneasy for you two in these years. 

It was already at night. You went off to the street to meet up Cathy. Your eyes had found everything funny, probably thanks to the fever. Pedestrians were floating like phantoms and cars running through and by like sliding on ice; crimson and violet rays everywhere, your eyes wanted to catch them but they waned. So unreal, you felt like a dream. Were you in fact dreaming? You didn't know, nor did you give a damn. Moonlight and lamps reflected on the surface of river, they grew long tails waving.  The whole city must had been in a carnival, you suspected.

But from the unreality you found familiarity. There was once you felt the same, that the whole city was in a festive mood, as if in a dream. That should have been a Chirstmas eve or a new years eve, you couldn't tell. It was many years ago but so strong an impression it had stamped on you you could recall it right away when you were in a similar atmosphere. On that night Cathy was whispering soft words to your ears and it was your turn to soothe her. As your heads approaching each other you were very very close to cuddle her. But at the instance you were about to spread your arms incredible things happened again: Someone watched you over and banged your heads! Immediately you felt the pain, immediately all the romance escaped.

It remained still a myth to you, why was it or, was it real. Your confidence was heavily dented by that setback because you felt it was the heaven's idea impeded you. People shouldn't antagonize the heaven, Chinese philosophy told. This is why for all these years you were just close, but never beyond. This time it was many years after and heaven, had you condone?

It was Cathy, finally. Dressed in black,she had her hair trimmed short. Everytime she smiled the wells on her face intoxicated you. You apologized for being sick today and had to leave early, she was caring and worried for you. You had some small talks but soon you had to go. Crimson and violet rays flew around and the images you saw flickered, you said goodbye but she pulled you back. The distance between you, narrowing, until you certainly felt her body. Her arms, bended round over your waist as a circle. Her cuddle, it was the ring. The lustre, glittering and shining, overshadowed every sheen of neon and of the moon.

________________________________________

So Long! Take Care!

Lenus

11 Jan 2008

有了它,連去北極都不怕!

Thank you baby!